The Cart Driver
by Yesserson
Summary: Lelouch Lamperouge's purported death left the world on the path to the gentler world he dreamed of for his sister, but dreams only last so long. If only that such peace would be permanent, that such lessons would endure the perpetual sands of time. However, the world is faced with a reality of war and pain and suffering. Surprisingly, an answer comes from the back of a truck.


**The Cart Driver**

"Right, Lelouch?" As C.C tilted her head towards the masked cart driver at the front of the wagon and fingered the origami swan that lay next to her in the straw.

"Of course, my love," as Lelouch took off the straw hat that obscured half of his face. His lips curled into a simplistic smile, and he slowly closed his eyes as the summer sky melted into the distance.

Slowly in the horizon a city came into view.

The grey sky over the newly rebuilt city of Pendragon thundered as the storm clouds roiled, threatening to drown the city with the cruel judgment of the divine. A lone figure stood in the capital's core, cloaked in a dark, swept cape, staring at the darkness above her. "Is this really what you wanted... Lelouch...?"

Marya suu Britannia pulled an ornate sword out of its sheath and looked at the weapon that killed her half-brother Lelouch. "...Don't worry, Lulu... I avenged your death. That Eleven who called himself Zero will no longer dishonour the name of Zero... And now I will carry out your will, Onii-sama... As Zero... the Servant of Love."

She pulled the iconic helmet out of her cloak and stared at the pink visor of the tulip-shaped helm, tracing the engravings, the product of Lelouch's brilliant handiwork. Marya traced the lip section of the helmet, and planted a quick kiss on the obsidian plate. Marya bit her lip, seething with the rage of a maiden. Why was it that Lelouch had to die? It simply wasn't fair. But she would not dwell on that now.

With the pneumatic hiss of the helm closing around her head, Marya became enveloped in the modified Zero suit. She slammed the sword into its sheath with bitter strength and began to walk into the palace city's capital. She ….had work to do. Order to restore. People to kill.

The cart plodded slowly down the dirt road, ""Lelouch, I'm dying of hunger here.

"It sure has been a while since we've eaten pizza together Lelouch," sighed C.C as she bit into a large slice of pizza.

"I don't think we've had a moment alone since the time you and I departed in the Shinkiro," C.C. said, her eyes flashing with some foreign emotion. What could it be?, Lelouch wondered.

Lelouch chuckled, "That's true, my dear witch. His hand stoked the face of his lover gently. She smiled in return, planting a slight kiss on her cheek."

An explosion rocketed the ground far away. All of a sudden, a crack ripped open the ground, dirt splattering into the sky.

"W-what was that?!," Lelouch cried, alarmed.

Another rumble shook the ground. Screams filled the air.

Lelouch stood up slowly. The ground around him rumbled. All of a sudden, a Knightmare burst out of the ground! Stained in blood, it flew into the air 50 feet before meeting the ground once again, with the force of a thousand suns. Lelouch could feel his legs quaking. The new 9th generation Knightmares were immensely terrifying, managing to inflict fear into the hardliest of rebels.

As Lelouch had been tinking, the Knightmare stood quite still, looking at the cart intently.

The cockpit slid open, and Zero stepped out. Or rather, as Lelouch thought, an imposter in a Zero suit.

"And who the hell are you,?," the pilot snarled.

That voice. The face. Could it be? Lelouch observed the pilot from behind his hat. If that's the case...

Lelouch slowly removed his hat. In the dazzling sun, his eyes glittered a magnificent magenta. His lips curled into a smile. "Hello, Marya," he said. "It's been a long time."

Marya gasped. "No way!" She then regained her composure and drew her pistol. "Reveal your name, stranger."

A long pause shimmered in the air. The summer breeze swept through the valley. Sunlight glimmered in the orange horizon. The cicadas buzzed like there was no tomorrow.

And then.

"Lelouch vi Britannia, 17th prince of the Britannian empire. At your service, my dear sister."

A tang of deep separation and longing hung in the air. A silent pause seemed to stretch endlessly into time and space. The grass swayed in the midsummer breeze.

Marya's eyes widened. The pistol dropped to the ground.

A blush flushed across Marya's face. And then her eyes turned to the girl beside Lelouch.

"L-lelouch, who's that?"

The girl stood up, revealing that she was barely clothed. Lelouch pulled her close and start stroking her hair.

The blush on Marya's face deepened into a darker shade of red.

"A traveling companion," Lelouch asserted. "She is with me temporarily"

A sigh escaped from Marya's lips. She looked down, her eyes cast at the ground. A foreign emotion stirred in her eyes. A glimmer flickered in their reflection.

C.C., her eyes filled with boredom, touched the mane of the oxen pulling the cart. It started forward, grunting with each pull. Marya started, startled. "W-wait! Lelouch! Where are you headed?"

"To the city," he replied, flipping his hair across his face. "I'm going to check up on Suzaku."

The gates of Pendragon lay like stone Goliaths on the ground, boasting their height to the gods. A guard of 25 men tramped along the length of the gate. The cart slowly rolled toward the giants, a tiny model in comparison to the stone structures. The guard came to a halt, standing perfectly still. In perfect unison, they tilted their spears at a 45 degree angle, facing the cart.

A man cloaked in red stepped forward from the guard. "State your name, traveler." His voice emanated from his steel faceplate, and he drew his sword, glowing with blood lust.

Marya stepped forward and cast aside her robe, revealing her imperial armor and sword. "Marya suu Britannia, 666th princess of Britannia. I order you to step aside and allow us entrance into the city"

The man's audacity disappeared, and he took a step back, knees quaking in obvious fear.

"O-of course your Highness, right away" he stammered.

Turning abruptly, he waved his hand at the guards and they immediately parted into two halves of metal.

The gates grated open, revealing the depths of the city.

Behind his covered face, Lelouch smiled.

Suzaku glowered at the pitiful guards that had allowed the admittance of a relation of Lelouch into the city.

As soon as Marya walked into the the city, she became aware of all the stare she drew. There she was, in a full blown Knightmare, strolling besides a cart of hay. Averting her eyes from the scene ahead, she nervously looked down at the ground, blushing. She kept staring at the cobble stone as they pushed forward through the streets, until they reached Marya's mansion. Even with his standards, Lelouch was impressed. The mansion was made completely out of creamy marble, and stood 10 stories high. On the top, lay giant towers of gold and ruby.

Marya calmly opened the door, regaining our composure, and gestured them in to her mansion before jumping out of Knightmare.

The inside of the mansion was just as royal as the outside. The inside was encased in solid ruby, with chandeliers made completely out of sapphire. Mirrors comprised the floor, making the whole room gleam in the light of jewels.

Marya reappeared, dressed in nothing but clothes. A shy look crossed her eyes as soon as she looked at Lelouch again.

"D-do you want some food, Lelouch?"

Marya couldn't believe she was stuttering. She was royalty. She had been trained not to stutter. But still...

Lelouch smiled back for her, unaware of the profound effect he was having on her mentality."That would be fine."

Marya collected her thoughts after spacing out for a second, and then snapped her fingers. Immediately, a giant steak 2000 feet wide fell down from the ceiling. Lelouch gulped. He blinked, and then raised his hands.

"BEHOLD, FORK AND KNIFE" (hell yeah)

Within seconds, the giant steak was diced into little cubes 1" on each side. (That's 1 cubic inch, for you dumbasses who failed 7th grade)

"Always the man of surprise, aren't you Lelouch."

C.C. smiled with amused eyes. She too had changed into nothing but clothes. Lelouch appreciated the change, it satisfied his unchanged changed fetish.

They dined for a while. Marya wondered as she chewed whether Lelouch was enjoying his meal. As if he could read her thoughts, he smiled and said, "Thank you Marya, it's delicious." Marya blushed profusely again, and looked back down at her steak.

/After eating, Marya, Lelouch, and C.C.C.C.C. walked down to hell.

It was ice cream melted. They passed by Sisyphus, and kicked him in the ass while chewing bubble gum. This only served to EXARCEBATE their situation, as Lelouch was looking for the lost soul of his shitter and first love EUPHEMIA du la Brittania the 16661th , maybe he'd stop by the dollar store and pick up Shirley cause she sucks and deserved to die. I mean what. So So hades was actually a cute teenage girl ready to join Lelouch's harem; in exchange for Euphemia, Hades would get to join Lelouch in the journey of his life.

Lelouch burped slightly. He felt about 2000 feet heavier. The math is wrong, but that doesn't matter. He lay back on the bed of roses and let out a breath. He felt bloated. Marya chuckled a bit. Lelouch opened one eye and looked at the woman. "What is it?" he asked. Marya smiled back at him.

"It's just...nice to be back together again."

"Yeah. Just like old times."

After eating, Lelouch and Marya decided to take a walk. C.C. declined. "I'll leave you two lovebirds alone," she had teased with a twinkle in her eye. Lelouch blushed at the thought. Was he the heroine now, instead of the hero?

As soon as Lelouch's feet touched the cobble of the road, he was hit by a flurry of senses. He saw the pedestrians, walking to and fro, he heard them talking about menial things. The smell of bread. The taste of the air. Civilization had always been interesting. As they strolled along the street, Lelouch became aware of Marya looking intently at him. Glancing to the side, he pretended to notice her staring. "What is it Marya?", he asked. Immediately she turned away from him. Her face turned red. So red in fact, it almost looked like she was dying of extreme blood pressure. Lelouch chuckled at the image.

"N-nothing..." she whispered, looking down at her feet.

They continued on.

The cameras focused on the couple down the street. On screen, their faces were magnified and enhanced to the point of infinite detail. And deep below the city, Central was having a heart attack.

"Call the Archmage at once!" shouted the managing officer. He looked back at the screen. "Why are you here, Lelouch?" Rivalz murmured under his breath.

Lelouch knew he was being watched. That was the point. He wished to make an impression on those down under, watching his every move. As the cameras tracked him, he smiled slightly. Marya looked at him again. "Why are you smiling," she inquired?

Then a brick fell on Lelouch's head and he fell into sleep.

Lelouch blushed as Suzaku leaned forward. "Gender doesn't matter...in love" Roses bloomed in Suzaku's hands; the camera zoomed in into Lelouch's face while he cupped Suzaku's hands in his mouth. Man I love you like I love Macaroni, the gooey cheese was penetrated by Suzaku's tongue. Lelouch then put on his robe and wizard hat.

*Insert Boy's Love here* (Pentheus is a douche)

Lelouch woke up in a white room. The white curtains hung over the silver frame, obscuring his view of the room. He looked around for something to hide his massive boner from his dream.

Just then Marya walked in.

*Insert Straight Love here*

Lelouch woke up, gasping. He was covered in sheets. All of a sudden Charles di Britannia appeared. "REROUCHEEEEEE"

*Insert Amazing Cool Transition Here*

Lelouch woke up, covered in cold sweat. Bats started flying out of his nose.

*Bat's Love*

Lelouch gasped. The room was dry and cold. Where was he? He did not know. A robot walked in.

*Robot's Love*

Lelouch turned over. This was getting tiring. A dragon fell from the ceiling.

*Dovahkiin Love*

Sighing, Lelouch turned over once again and tried to go to sleep. But alas, the door burst open and a man walked in. "Jason Flowers, at your service".

*NOPE* JUST CHUCK TESTA

Lelouch jumped out of bed. It was morning, the sunlight streamed steadily through the windows. Rubbing his eyes, he couldn't believe all the crazy dreams he had had. Just then, a steak fell from the ceiling.

*MEAT LOVE*

Just kidding. It was breakfast. Lelouch calmly used his hands as a fork and knife. Within minutes, the steak was finished and he felt 2000 feet heavier. Then vegetables fell from the ceiling.

*VEGGIE LOVE*

Lelouch walked out of the room feeling slightly bloated. Calmly, he surveyed his surroundings. A garden? It reminded him of the imperial garden back when he was in Bel-air.

*BASKETBALL*

Lelouch walked back into the house, a steady sweat forming on his face. He went into the shower and turned on the water. Just then, a muscled black man sprung out of the drain. "DOES YOUR MAN SMELL LIKE ME?"

"NOOOO OLD SPICE MAN NOOOO", Lelouch screamed, in thrust his soap at the man. "TAKE ALL MY SOAP. ANYTHING BUT MY DEODERANT"

The man laughed in a deep booming voice. "Actually, son, I'm not here for deoderant ;)". Lelouch gulped.

*OLD SPICE*

Lelouch woke up, gasping. He turned over. These dreams were getting progressively weirder. Then he had a revelation. The world was actually a giant mudcrab.

*MUDCRAB LUV*

The dream sequences were getting to be too much. Sighing, Lelouch took some antisleep medication. But then he noticed the bump in his pants. It steadily grew. Wait a minute.

Lelouch looked at the bottle again. Viagra.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOO"

"IT'S PARTY TIME" his member screamed.

"AWWW SHIETTTT NIGGAAAAA" he yelled back.[1]

Then the pizza man showed up.

*PIZZA LURVE*

Back to the story. This is seriously getting off track. Lelouch went outside. A book fell from the sky. What was it, he wondered? He knelt down to pick it up. All of a sudden, a giant flaming homosexual demon fell out of the sky.

*DEATH NOOT*

Lelouch wrote everyone's name... IN PEN but it was erasable. And he erased it. And it was good.

Lelouch had changed his mind. THIS WAS THE BEST DREAM SEQUENCE EVER, THERE IS NO DENYING. He took some sleep medication, and slowly drifted off into sleep.

He woke up in a room. Slowly he turned around. Just a room, he thought, disappointed. But then a grin crept across his face.

*ROOM LOVE*

Sighing, Lelouch flopped over. This was getting a little bit ridic-

*RIDICULOUS LOVE*

He woke up on a circle. A big circle.

*GEOMETRY LOVE*

nope nope nope nope nope nope nope nope nope

*NOPE*

* * *

The lightning clattered into the night sky, frying the grass with its immense heat. A crater 50 meters wide lay steaming in the ground. Lelouch stood up from the fire. His eyes glowed magenta, and his face curled into a fury unknown to any human being. C.C. lay several meters away, unmoving, and behind her, Marya. "Ragnarok will not come to pass," Lelouch snarled. Suzaku smiled above him. "Oh but it will, Lelouch. I have seen it in the future." His eyes opened. Within his pupils, a bird glowed. "It, it can't be!", Lelouch stepped back. He looked into Suzaku's eyes. Into Suzaku's Geass.

Spinning in the air, Suzaku leapt down into the crater. Marya drew her sword. Shimmering in the light of the fires, a determined look took over her eyes. Calmly, she stepped in between Lelouch and Suzaku. Lelouch's eyes widened. "What are you doing, Marya?! Do you want to die?!" Marya closed her eyes. "I swore to protect you Lelouch. As a member of the Royal Family, I have no intention of breaking any promise"

The birds glowed in Lelouch's eyes. "I command you to live, Marya!"

Marya smiled. "You know your Geass won't work on me, Lelouch. Remember? I'm immune to any Geass."

Suzaku smirked, his eyes burning the air around his head. "Then, it seems that my Geass won't work on you. I suppose I'll just have to eliminate you, in any case."

The moon shined brightly in the air. The gas swayed in the midnight wind, and Marya and Suzaku stood positioned at the opposite ends of the crater. Fire and brimstone lay fuming in the middle of the giant hole. Behind Marya, Lelouch stood, supporting C.C. as she attempted to stand.

"Do you really believe that that girl will win?", she asked weakly.

Lelouch didn't answer. By the time he had figured it out, Marya had already charged.

Marya was primarily a sword fighter. Ever since she had been accepted into training, a sword had been her specialty. But there was another ability that no one had known about. As she leapt towards Suzaku, two words escaped her lips.

Trace, On.

A legendary sword erupted from Marya's hand. Twice. As the flames subsided to her utter power, she revealed her two ultimate weapons. Excaliburs. Shining in the midnight, they gleamed with a beauty far beyond any other mortal craft.

Suzaku snarled. "You're a dual wielder? No wonder you were so bad before"

He then regained his posture. "No matter. Against my Phantasm, the Babylon of Time also known as the Shotacon[2] , you stand no chance."

Marya continued to fly at Suzaku.

_"I am the bone of my sword._

_Steel is my body, and fire is my blood._

_I have created over a thousand blades._

_Unknown to death._

_Nor known to life._

_Have withstood pain to create many weapons._

_Yet, these hands will never hold anything._

_So as I pray, 'Unlimited Geass Works'."_

A circle of fire erupted around Marya's glowing bod. Suzaku cocked an eyebrow. "Another surprise, eh?"

Lelouch watched intently, his eyes narrowing with each step Marya took.

Suzaku closed his eyes, concentrating. "Unfortunately for you, Marya, I'm a...TRIPLE WIELDER!" He thumped his fist into his chest, and two glowing crystalline swords appeared.

"Saphir and Rubis, my two lovers, of destruction and bloodshed, of my blood shall death be sown."

Marya didn't even have time to think. Before she could avert her course, the three swords sliced into Marya's side. She flew 20 tons and then slid to a stop, bleeding profusely. "L-lelouch...," she gasped with her final breath.

Lelouch's eyes widened once again. "NOOOO! MARYAA!"

Suzaku stood up from where he crouched, swords dipped in blood. They gleamed in the midnight moon, /did I mention it's midnight?reflecting light in all directions.

"It's your turn now, Lelouch."

* * *

"You are foolish to think that you could defeat me, Suzaku. Remember who was the one who gained his Geass first, Suzaku. And now, Suzaku, you dare to challenge a god. So... Behold, Suzaku, for I am a QUADRUPLE WIELDER!"

Lelouch's Code on his forehead disappeared as his eyes glowed red with the sigil of the Geass. "My new Geass... BEHOLD! I! AM! L.L. COOL! THE! CODE! GEASS!" /lolwut

With each word, the intensity of his eyes grew, and the heavy feeling of anger impregnated the air, bringing its sickly aura into the waking world. Suzaku stepped back in fear as his Geass flickered. He could not see the future. How could this be?

From his eyes, Lelouch drew four glowing halberds. Fire surrounded him, and a trench coat erupted from his back. He stomped on the ground as the foul earth beneath him broke, revealing a massive black robot, its six blue eyes glowing with a harsh light.

"Suzaku... Do you think that you can defeat... The Knightmare Frame Suomynona?" Lelouch paused for a moment, noticing the look of despair blossoming across Suzaku's face. "I doubted it. Now PREPARE TO DIE, KNIGHT OF ZERO!"

"RRRRRLLELOUCHE!"

"HOW DARE YOU CALL ME BY THAT NAME! I AM L.L.! AND I WILL BRING ABOUT AN ERA OF PIECE!" he said, his entire being cracking with energy as his hair grew long, flashing golden as he activated his Geass. "Now, then, Suzaku. Watch. And despair."

With an expert hand, Lelouch (ルルーシュ) flicked back his flowing hair, launching a shockwave of energy, resonating in the air to create a high-pitched screech. The blue wave of energy smashed Suzaku in his chest, causing him to fly back a kilometre as he gnashed his teeth in pain. /I whip my hair back and forth...

"Neat magic trick, Lelouch, but can it defeat my sword's... True form?"

Suzaku sheathed his zanpakutō (斬魄刀) and grinned with horrific bloodlust. "BANKAI!"

"Zangetsu(斬月), ARISE!" the sword shattered and reformed into a red-haired Eva, roaring with rage as it pulled two machine gun laser katana saws out of its side holsters. The nearby village was trampled as Suzaku did a triple backflip into the Eva's cockpit, a ring of fire forming with each step. Suzaku's face twisted into a maniacal grin that reflected that insanity that consumed his mind. He cackled, "I don't need my Geass to defeat you, Lelouch. My Zangetsu(斬月) will see to that!"

egan to reverbrate as he cast his mighty spell "Firaga!~", a vicious cyclone of hate-filled embers. /Ultima ftw

Lelouch was swept into the air, only to be brought crashing down onto the earth once more, barely managing to doge the hellfire raining down upon him. Bruised and battered, he spared a moment to catch a few deep breaths, ever on guard. "How can you ever hope to defeat me if a mere breeze leaves you breathless?" sneered Suzaku, slashing his sword downwards in an earth shattering blow. His strike left a crater where Lelouch stood, only for Suzaku to see Lelouch flicker away, in his place a badly burnt tree stump. "Kage Bunshin no Jutsu!" screamed Lelouch as he frantically made ramen signs with his hands.

"There is no number of your clones that could defeat me Lelouch."

"You gloat too much," Suzaku heard a cold voice from behind him as he felt a sharp pain in both of his shoulders. The pain of glowing red laser halberds. With a roar of pain, he stumbled forward as he sent a hateful glare back at the hateful man that chopped off both of his arms. But as the bloody mist of misty blood sprayed from his shoulder-stumps, his growls of anger subsided into an unsettling laughter.

"Lelouche... Do you really think so lowly of me...? I'm offended," Suzaku said, his eyes still glazed over with pain and... something else. Insanity. "But really, I must thank you... With my arms, I could never use the Bloody Arts."

As he spoke, the bloody mist of misty blood around him reconstituted into two sanguine wings... Made of guns. Suzaku crowed in triumphant laughter as he noted Lelouch's look of disgust. "Do you think that you are no more a monster than I, Lelouch? For we are two sides of the same coin! But now... You cannot escape. I don't think you can stop these guns from shooting."

Lelouch glared as he readied his Super Saiyan hair to create a shield of energy, but then his eyes widened in shock. Suzaku aimed all of his guns. At himself. One cruel word escaped from Suzaku's lips before the barrage began.

"Cumberbatch."

"_Persona._"

The sound of shattering glass filled the air as a being sprang from Suzaku's head, a robotic being carrying thunderbolts in each hand. "Thou art I, and I am thou. From the sea of your soul, I am born. I am Zeus, patron of travellllers and kingss, and now I shall aid you in battle."

Lelouch's eyes widened in shock as he saw a bolt of electricity hurtle towards him. A glowing Geass sigil glowed in the air, forming a shield that protected Lelouch. "Suzaku... You have a dick.

Fin.

**Densha de Mario Kart'e'mon Royale**

* * *

He awoke with a sudden upward motion. He suddenly found himself in a desk in some sort of Japanese style classroom. "KONYANNICHI WA," said a strange man dressed as a cat. Mario realized he was not alone; His friends and enemies were there, but there were some unfamiliar faces as well. "You may have realized that you are not on a field trip. this is something... much more. This is... DENSHA DE RACE ROYALE KART!"

"Pika Pika?" asked Pikachu, sitting 2 rows away from Mario. Suddenly, Cat-man pulled out a revolver and shot Luigi in the hand. "Owowowowowowow!", Luigi exclaimed. "DON'T BE STUPID" said Cat-man. "This is a race. in 48 hours, only one of you will be alive. These explosive collars will kill you if you race in a restricted zone or if there are more than one person alive at the end. I will assign each of you a vehicle. if you lose the race, you die. You each get a weapon too."

Moments later, they were all on the racetrack. Mario was in the lead, thanks to his F-cvyTurboX '95. He was pulling off some wicked power-slides, when all of a sudden, Gyrados came speeding down the track in a bullet train.

"Suck my dust, Plumber!" Mario was so deeply offended by this harsh comment, he vowed a terrible vegence on Gyarados.

"Suck a-my spicy-a meatballs!" He pulled out a baseball bat from his duffle bag and began to beat upon the side of the bullet train. Suddenly, Tracey arrived, on a gorgeous, white stallion. "I will not tolerate Pokemon abuse!" he said, and pulled out his assigned weapon, the Bullet-hell rifle. The screen was suddenly filled with pulsing lights and particle effects, devastating Mario's car in a mass of epileptic explosions.

Mario, thanks to his quick reflexes, was able to hop aboard the gyarados train. "Tracey, you fag, I will-a have my revenge!" Mario threw his baseball bat at Tracey's bullet-hell rifle, causing another chain of bright explosions. Tracey and his horse became melted into a strange centaur like beast. The bullet-hell rifle flew up in the air and Mario jumped and grabbed it mid-air and began to ride the Tracentaur.

Gyarados was aware of this situation, and hatched a brilliant idea. Gyarados made a sharp turn to the right, and like his friend skippy once said, he did a barrel-roll. The train was rolling at an increasing speed, and then Mario did something unexpected; He rode the horse onto the spiraling train and attacked Gyarados with the bullet-hell rifle; Gyarados and the Tracentaur merged into a mythical being called the Gyartracentaur. It was a terrifying beast, with the head of a 'man', the legs of a horse, and the long body of a gyarados. Also, it was gyarados' face.

Meanwhile, about a kilometer back, Luigi was driving an ambulance down an abandoned neighborhood. He pulled over and began frantically searching for medical supplies to nurse his wounded hand. "Owowowowow!" he exclaimed. He realized that all of the medical supplies had been replaced with rabid cats. He clasped his pulsing hand with the other and slid slowly again the wall. As his hand bled all over the floor of the ambulance, he softly wept to himself. Luigi thought of his brother, who had always helped him in times of need. He thought of how he would never know the love of a woman. He thought of how the world would keep turning long after he died.

King Boo and Princess Peach were pedaling down the road on a hot-pink tandem bicycle. "Hey you bitch, pedal faster!" said KB. "It's not my fault you don't have legs, you douchebag." Princess peach was in an awful situation. she wanted so desperately to be with her love Mario, making sweet love in the back of a F-cvyTurboX '95, but instead, she was stuck riding a bike with this big, white retard. "Whore, stop pedaling! That ambulance looks like a much better ride." The two pulled over next to the ambulance. "Wasn't luigi driving this?" Peach asked. "WHO GIVES A FUCK" said King Boo. they opened up the ambulance doors to find Luigi lying there, cold and pale. "Boy, doesn't this just get you off?" asked King Boo. Peach was silent for a moment. "WHAT?!" she suddenly shouted. "You are a sick fuck, you know that?" But even though she knew it was disgusting, seeing Luigi's corpse was somehow stirring a deep passion in her loins..

"Joe! Joe! What's going on, Joe?!" a few miles of the coast, a nuclear submarine was plotting a course straight for Mario. "Shut up, Bulbasaur!" Joe had enough. "I can see him through the kaleidoscope."

"Don't you mean 'Periscope'?"

"No, idiot, were not jumping out of an airplane."

"Whatever, what do you have against this guy, anyway?"

"He... hurt someone very dear to me. He is the reason why I am this way." Joe Shimamura tapped his fingers impatiently on the control panel. "I CAN'T TAKE IT" he shouted. He flipped up a glass cover and pressed a large red button. Suddenly, hundreds of torpedoes shot out from the sub and made their way directly to the coast.

"There is a great danger headed this way", said the Gyartracentaur. "What? How do you-a know?" Mario asked. "I have the brains of three beasts," said the Gyartracentaur, "which allow me to be in tune with the world and universe. My spirit and mind exists in a separate plane that allows me to see limited visions."

"There's only one hope, then!" said Mario. He ran to the control area of the train. He did some fancy train maneuvers and managed to stop the train from spinning. "DENSHA DE SURAIDO!" Mario bellowed. He jumped aboard the train roof, and raised the bullet-hell rifle. Suddenly, the beach exploded in mist and a barrage of GPS torpedoes shot into the sky. Mario unloaded a bullet-hell storm upon the missiles. Most of them were destroyed by the fiery balls, explosions, and random flashes of light, but the submarine surfaced in the distance.

"SECOND WAVE" shouted Joe, as he pressed the next red button. This time, missiles shot out in every direction and flew in complex patterns. Mario began to fire again, but he hesitated, and so one of the missiles shot out the bridge ahead.

"MARIO" Mario could hear the Gyartracentaur speaking directly to his brain with psychic energies. "THE BRIDGE IS OUT! THERE IS NO WAY WE CAN MAKE IT. WE MUST ABANDON THE TRAIN!" "NO" argued Mario. "I have a plan!" Mario swung down into the cockpit. He placed his hand on the steering wheel, and the other on the brake. "POWER SLIDE" The train was now barreling down a hill side directly toward the beach. "Mario, you're going to drive into the water!" warned the Gyartracentaur. "No." said Mario. "I'm driving ON the water!" he forced his whole body onto the throttle until the train couldn't go any faster. The Train skimmed along the surface and managed to stay afloat. "I didn't see that coming!" said the Gyartracentaur. "Neither did I!" said Mario.

"NOOOOOO" screamed Joe. "WE HAVE TO USE IT." he said. "No! It's too dangerous!" said Bulbasaur. "No. We must use it". Joe and Bulbasaur both put a key into a key hole. once they both turned the key, a button came out of a metal door. He flipped the glass and pressed the black button. A keyboard suddenly flipped out and he entered the 30 character password to activate it. Then a Simon game came out of the control panel and he beat it. Then he entered a Captcha to verify that he was human. "I ACTIVATE THE CHAOS-DOOM-APOCALYPSE-CATACLYSM LASER!"

A large laser cannon rose out of the submarine. Joe climbed out and into the laser seat. "I AM CYBORG 009" he shouted, and fired hundreds of red beams toward Mario.

"There's only one hope" said Mario. The Gyartracentaur understood. He placed his hoof on the bullet-hell rifle and merged his body with the bullet-hell rifle. Mario climbed onto the new beast, the Gyarhelltracentaur Riflemon.

The Gyarhelltracentaur Riflemon had the head of a Tracey, with the face of a gyarados, and a rifle for a forehead. His legs where horse legs, and his body was a gyarados body. Mario saddled the mighty beast and they flew at high speeds toward the CDAC Laser. He began to fly circles around the submarine, firing blasts of energy at 009. "Bullet Hell Dragon Rage!" The Gyarhelltracentaur Riflemon fired and intense blast of blue light that tore through the hull of the submarine. Joe put the laser in ULTRA POWER MODE and the lasers became so powerful, they became a new state of matter: Anti-Anti-Anti-Matter, or AAA Matter for short. The AAA Matter began to super heat the atmosphere causing the entire earth to shift up in temperature by one degree. Mario became so terribly slightly uncomfortable, that he swore on his life that he couldn't allow this masked stranger to live (Cyborg 009 is wearing a mask, B-T-DUBS) and so he swore a terrible vengeance. Except, he was Italian so he could say Vendetta without sounding like a douche. The Gyarhelltracentaur Riflemon crashed straight into the nuclear sub and there were terrifying flashes of light everywhere. The was a kind of electricity to the air as electricity filled the air. Suddenly, the nuclear core of the sub erupted into a massive mushroom cloud.

"What was that?" asked a boy, of about 10 years of age.

"I dunno lol" said the girl who was with him. The two spotted the explosion from the bus they were driving down the road. Suddenly, the bus came to a startling halt, and floating katakana appeared showing that the brakes made a sort of "SUKURIIIIIIIIII" sound.

"The bridge is out!" said Misty. Ash Ketchum from ballet town could see this. He was a hard-boiled kid with a knack for solving mysteries. With his bro pikachu, the two were world famous detectives. As Ash and Pikachu stepped out onto the hot pavement, they began the search for clues.

"This is Tracey's notebook." said Ash, picking up Tracey's notebook. "Something bad must have happened." "Pika pika", barked Pikachu. "Ah, I see, said Ash"

"Maybe we can jump across" said Ash.

"WHAT" said Misty, astounded by Ash's ridiculous conception. The gap in the bridge was at least 20 feet wide.

* * *

**Pokérutomoon**

Brock sat polishing his poképalls. The smell of bacon wafted from a cast iron frying pan, sitting on the camp fire. Suddenly there was a rustling in the trees, and four trained ninja jumped from behind the trees. It was raining, so rock type wouldn't be an option.

"MUDKIP! I CHOOSE YOU!" he yelled as he released the pokéball at the oncoming ninja.

"Kekkai Ninjutsu," exclaimed the ninja as Mudkip advanced. A chakara barrier was formed and Mudkip was sent flying.

Brok was in trouble. "I'm in trouble," he said as the ninja drew their kunai. Before another move was made, an orange flash came from from behind the camp. All Brok heard was "RASEGNGENAN," before a flash of light. Then standing next to him, was a whiskered ninja clad in orange.

"What was that?" asked Brok in amazement.

"That was my rasegngenan, the fully evolved form of resengan," said the ninja. "These guys are gonna be tough to beat, we need to work together."

~VOLCANOBAKEMEAT!~

**The Man Who Sat**

He sat with the glorious air of a general, gazing upon his loyal subjects with a stern eye. A man in the crowd flinched, unable to withstand his piercing lazer beams The beams bounced off of the marble floors, off the ceiling, off the door, back off the marble floors and hit The Man Who Sat. He gasped his last breath and keeled over, dead as a doornail. With a furious roar the crowd converged upon the dead man, stealing any of his possessions they could put their hands on. A guard's feeble attempt to stop them was in vain, he was trampled, left dying on the floor. Yet The Man Who Sat still sat, dead but sitting, now more still then before. A curious onlooker poked The Man Who Sat, but was rewarded only with a slight twitch. A fight broke out, the audience flung tableware at each other, eyes forked and ears knifed. Yet The Man Who Sat still sat, his posture perfection, his back a straight board. A clumsy servant stumbled, spilling hot tea all over his lap, Yet The Man Who Sat still sat, oblivious to the steaming liquid now pouring over his extremities, oblivious to the pain which said act should have caused. The Man Who Sat sat, and sat, and sat, and sat.

**Fate/Biscuit**

Yuuhi leaned back, his hair flowing in the wind like an abandoned trash bag full of candied apples and broken dreams. Noi was in INVISIBRU form, being absolutely useless and cool at the same time.

Hanako was filled with nervousness like a teenage girl who was trying to talk to a guy with glasses, amirite. Hanako was dressed up in cosplay like Noi, but the lizard look didn't quite fit her. Good thing her snake was also INVISIBRUUUUU. Yuuhi stared into space, much like a astronaut would do but more lonely-like and empty. "Man it sure is cold outside," noted Hangetsu Shinonome. "Oh my god your alive!~" said Hanako and he replied "Yes". AND THEN RIDER SHOUTED IONIAN HETAIROOIIIIIIIIIIII~~~~~~~~~ and summoned his reality marble with all his bros inside. Female assassin shat her pants in fear as Rider rode on his massive black...horse to lead the charge. Then she got stabbed down her throat with his long hard...sword. A one dark shaft of a... church rose above the carnage.

**Biscuitdoughhandsman**

For centuries, there have been rumors of a fearsome warrior, one with hands of biscuit dough. No one has lived to see Biscuitdoughhandsman, no one except Nathan Explosion. At the age of 7, Nathan Explosion had been involved in a scientific accident. Something that happened with science...accidentaly.


End file.
